Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Riddles of Steel or... Mitch Plays With Dolls

I thought I knew everything there was to know about my favorite movie of all time, Conan the Barbarian! I mean we go way back... way before the oceans drank Atlantis, even before the rise of the Sons of Aryas. But when I stumbled upon this fanTASTIC clip of dancer, actress, and valkyrie extraordinaire Sandahl Bergman on Youtube, I nearly swallowed my Dubble Bubble.

Because I'm a very classy guy, I shant go into detail here. But if there was any possible way this video could give me more raging boners that it already does, it would have to be dipped in the finest of Bavarian chocolate and autographed by Captain Lou Albano himself.

So anyway, my fevered search for this VHS gem led me to the pretty fucking sweet/totally lame-ass girly girl custom doll art of Tanya Van Der Ploeg. A lot of her work makes the gay man in me swoon, and drink those little individual Crystal Light packets you add to bottled water. But of course it was the Valeria doll that touched me so. Eat this:

"She carries a knotted climbing rope (to help her up the temple wall) complete with grapling hook. :-) Her pants are cotton knit, hand sewn to her - how ELSE do you get the painted on look? LOL - her boots are, I'm afraid, "pleather" - again for the skin hugging effect.
She wears three leather belts, one permanent with the classic skull emblem, one riveted to support the scabbard when it's slung over her back and one buckled"

and the best part...

"Her sword is hand ground carbon steel with a walnut handle and beaded pommel. This is *NOT* a toy, it has been sharpened and will cut!"

Oh snap! Just like the G1 Transformers!

Okay stop typing. Now somebody please get me a commission so I can afford to buy a 20 year old workout tape off of some overcharging punk on ebay. Hey thanx k bye! lol omg d2: the mighty ducks