Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Riddles of Steel or... Mitch Plays With Dolls

I thought I knew everything there was to know about my favorite movie of all time, Conan the Barbarian! I mean we go way back... way before the oceans drank Atlantis, even before the rise of the Sons of Aryas. But when I stumbled upon this fanTASTIC clip of dancer, actress, and valkyrie extraordinaire Sandahl Bergman on Youtube, I nearly swallowed my Dubble Bubble.


Because I'm a very classy guy, I shant go into detail here. But if there was any possible way this video could give me more raging boners that it already does, it would have to be dipped in the finest of Bavarian chocolate and autographed by Captain Lou Albano himself.

So anyway, my fevered search for this VHS gem led me to the pretty fucking sweet/totally lame-ass girly girl custom doll art of Tanya Van Der Ploeg. A lot of her work makes the gay man in me swoon, and drink those little individual Crystal Light packets you add to bottled water. But of course it was the Valeria doll that touched me so. Eat this:


"She carries a knotted climbing rope (to help her up the temple wall) complete with grapling hook. :-) Her pants are cotton knit, hand sewn to her - how ELSE do you get the painted on look? LOL - her boots are, I'm afraid, "pleather" - again for the skin hugging effect.
She wears three leather belts, one permanent with the classic skull emblem, one riveted to support the scabbard when it's slung over her back and one buckled"


and the best part...

"Her sword is hand ground carbon steel with a walnut handle and beaded pommel. This is *NOT* a toy, it has been sharpened and will cut!"

Oh snap! Just like the G1 Transformers!


Okay stop typing. Now somebody please get me a commission so I can afford to buy a 20 year old workout tape off of some overcharging punk on ebay. Hey thanx k bye! lol omg d2: the mighty ducks

13 comments:

vulcanhalfbreed said...

Oh Jesus CHRIST!
My boner count just went through the roof (literally....I was launched off of my chair).

This post just made me want to curl up on some wild boar pelts with you next to the glowing embers of a dying camp fire while Subotai keeps watch outside of our tent and the distance sounds of Tulsa Dooms castle echo through the night. (longest run-on sentence ever? I think so!) Love me.

wintermonkey said...

in the immortal words of the kool-Aid man, "Oooooohhh Yeeeahhhhhh...."

ROENTGEN said...

OMG! That's the foooooking most hilarious thing I've ever bloody seen. That's no sport. That's porn! You should give a hint to all (straight) men "Wear thick pants will you?!"

UrbanBarbarian said...

I need to see Conan the Barbarian again... Happy 2007!

wintermonkey said...

i remember this great cartoon when i was growing up. it was called "food with faces". it was the greatest cartoon series i've ever seen. there was only one episode and it featured this adorable little character called "bread". great fun. i wonder whatever happened to the guy that created it. maybe he'll come out of retirement some day.

wintermonkey said...

yeah. fuck you anyway bitch. i mean mitch. i mean bitch. you think you're better than me? you calling me a liar? oh... i'm too busy to do shit on my blog. fuck the blog. let's bring it out into the real world. you only like the vulcan half breed. but hey, she lives 600 miles away pal. sure she thinks you're funny but does she love you like we do? sure she does. can you tell i'm drunk? i'm not drunk. i'm drunk. so there, you drunk. you think you're so drunk. you are not drunk. i'm not drunk. where's my keys.

wintermonkey said...

i'm sorry. i love you man. ididn't mean it. you're alright. this guys' alright. fuck you man. think you're better than me.

wintermonkey said...

gosh. i need some comment moderation. what would my mom think?
i need to buy a better sense of humor too.

wintermonkey said...

i mean we're even just asking for a little tease every once in a while baby. come on. don't hold out. i love you baby. i don't WANT to go looking for something else, but i got needs....

wintermonkey said...

happy valentine's day plumpkin.

Jublin said...

do you even have an EMAIL address? or are you still living in a pineapple under the m-F'ing SEA!?!?!

oh anyways... you still want to do that whale thing? I don't have AIM anymore so either shoot me a message via SkyNet or something similar. KIT TTYL BYOB

-T1000

Tanya said...

If it helps? - odds are the 'girly girl' bits you objected to were commissions......

*grin*

Tanya - who's hubby started making blades because *I* like them.
http://www.dolls-n-daggers.com

wintermonkey said...

okay daddy-o its time for something new. your 2 months are up.
begin posting.............
now.